Breaking away from sports for a minute, here are my favorite moments from the SNL40 Celebration, which despite its lengthy airtime (even the website broke it up into Part 1 and Part 2) was much more entertaining and easily beat the 2015 NBA All Star Game in the television ratings Sunday night. (Video links are embedded below for each, as well as the complete episode at the SNL website linked above, and I’ve found the SNL app to be handy and addictive).
1.) Celebrity Jeopardy – A completely nonsensical and absurd rendition of the classic Will Ferrell vehicle sketch. I laughed my ass off. Turd Ferguson (a possibly tipsy Norm Macdonald), Sean Connery (Darrell Hammond well above his fighting weight) misreading the categories and cracking Alex Trebek Momma jokes, and Jim Carrey’s “Lincoln Ad Philosopher McConaughey” (which I think adds a whole new layer to “Interstellar”) slayed me. Plus, Kate McKinnon’s Justin Bieber was eerie, Taran Killam’s Christoph Waltz was spooky, and Alec Baldwin’s Tony Bennett is a Great Great Great Great, Great caricature, speaking into the buzzer as if it were a microphone and reciting every other main “Adventures of Tom Sawyer” character whilst not remembering the title character was comic gold.
2.) Marty & Beyoncé – Normally, I find many of these musical medley tributes to be disjointed and forced, but almost every recreation (as much as I like Fred Armisen and Kristen Wiig, I’ve never been a fan of the Garth and Kat sketches, to me it’s an idea that’s better on paper than in practice) worked. From the always enjoyable Marty Short (loved the Robert Blake crack and the funniest use of a windstorm mime I’ve seen), to Maya Rudolph’s over-the-top Beyoncé, to the best Marty & Bobbi Culp skit ever (“Turn Down the What!”), to Piscopo’s Sinatra, to Choppin’ Broccolaaaaay, to Opera Man, to What’s Up with That?!? (complete with track suited running man Jason Sudekis), to King Tut (I’m not sure I want to know what it took to convince Steve Martin to don that goofy fez and resuscitate that one), to the return of Bill Murray’s show-stealing Nick Ocean singing the “Love Theme from Jaws” (accompanied by SNL’s first bandleader, Paul Shaffer), and ending appropriately with the Blues Brothers 3.0, it was campy and hilarious throughout.
3.) Weekend Update – Jane Curtin shined, Emma Stone’s Rosanna Rosanna Danna was terrific, and Ed Norton’s “Birdman”-esque Stefon was evocative (YANK!), but Melissa McCarthy as Matt Foley destroying the Update desk was pause-live-TV-to-stop-laughing funny. Topped off by the Candy Gram Land Shark eating Tina Fey, which from what I can tell was barely noticed. Finally, Garrett Morris’ translation for the Deaf gag (not included in the video linked above), no matter how politically incorrect, still cracks me up.
4.) Paul McCartney’s “Maybe I’m Amazed” – Yes, I know, his voice isn’t what it was, truthfully it was mostly shot last night, but he performed the hell out of that song, pouring out every ounce he had to give into a performance that became a singular rendition unto itself. Turns out, the night before he performed “Maybe I’m Amazed” during a 2-hr plus impromptu Valentine’s Day concert at New York City’s Irving Plaza (with a blazing set list that spanned his career), then he did a 10-song rehearsal for the audience prior to the show, as well as an additional sound check, so I’ll excuse his straining over a few notes. If anyone could have mailed it in last night, it was a Beatle, but the opposite happened; All of which makes Sir Paul even more of a badass.
5.) The SNL 40 Digital Short “That’s When You Break” – Of all the self-congratulatory tributes to different aspects of the show, this was the most effective due to its deprecation (especially the calling out of Jimmy Fallon and Horatio Sanz for breaking character more than just about everyone else combined). Samberg and Sandler were two of the most musically inclined cast members, so it only made sense they collaborated on this satirical send-up of Tina Turner’s “Simply the Best”.
6.) Chris Rock’s Eddie Murphy Tribute – Funny and incisive on it’s own, an important and accurate recognition of the Most Important (if not the Greatest) SNL cast member in the show’s history. Even though Eddie Murphy might have been too cool for school, I wish they had Murphy do something more later in the show.
Honorable mentions go to Wayne’s World (slightly dated, but a serviceable microcosm of SNL itself, good to see Mike Myers is still alive, and the Lorne Michaels impressions alone were worth it), Miley Cyrus’ “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” (probably the best thing I’ve ever seen her sing, no surprise since it was a Paul Simon song), Jerry Seinfeld’s awkwardly funny Q&A session (Ellen Cleghorne was a surprise, and I had no idea Larry David once wrote for SNL), and Dan Aykroyd’s Bass-O-Matic 2150 (a concept that still has currency today, and the fact the blender stopped working only added to the comedic effect). Yes, it was long at three-and-a-half hours – something several former cast members and hosts had no issue pointing out during the show – but it was time well spent awash in nostalgia on a Sunday evening.
Still crazy after all these years, indeed.
Some rambling thoughts from the long weekend on the afternoon after Dr. Martin Luther King’s Holiday …
Marshawn Lynch is the best running back in the NFL. Period. I don’t know how much tread he has left on the tires, or how many miles he has left in his engine considering how angry and physical his “Beast Mode” running style is, but Seattle has to re-sign him. Especially since they seem determined to have a mediocre wide receiver corps going forward; At least last year they had Golden Tate and Percy Harvin on the roster, but I’m curious to see how they plan to throw on the Patriots in 12 days with Doug Baldwin and Jermaine Kearse – game-winning touchdown aside, which was more karmic fate after Russell Wilson’s four interceptions were all on passes intended for Kearse – as their top wide receiver options (and Yes, I know about Luke Willson at tight end, but he’s no Gronk) … Speaking of running backs, maybe, just MAYBE, Pittsburgh should have kept LeGarrette Blount. Now, granted, even your Grandma could run for 100 yards against the Colts defense, and I know Blount basically walked & talked his way out of Steeltown after going to the locker room before the game ended against Tennessee on November 17. To me, that’s more a failure of player management by Head Coach Mike Tomlin, allowing Blount to become so frustrated by not using him enough that he was willing to walk away from his team. Especially since anyone had to know New England would snatch him up 10 seconds after they waived him, which in retrospect significantly changed the AFC Playoffs equation, and especially since LeVeon Bell was injured and Pittsburgh had to start undrafted rookie Josh Harris (Who? Exactly.) and his 11 touches for 31 total yards in the playoff loss to Baltimore. Not to “What if?” this to death, but What if Pittsburgh has Blount against Baltimore? Do they lose? Isn’t that game different as Blount keeps Pittsburgh in the game longer and opens up the pass more for Big Ben? What if they win that, then beat a flailing Denver, which seems reasonable considering how feckless Peyton Manning was on his torn quad? What happens last Sunday, assuming in that scenario that New England beats Indianapolis in the Divisional Round and hosts Pittsburgh, by which time it’s possible team MVP LeVeon Bell is back from his hyperextended right knee? Releasing Blount may just have been the proverbial butterfly flapping its wings in the rainforest that caused the figurative (and literal considering the weather) tsunami we watched Sunday in New England … Super Bowl XLIX, or as I see it, Brilliant Belligerent Bill Belichick vs Pformer Pats Patriarch Pom Pom Petey Carroll (pardon the alliteration liberties taken), Harbaugh Bros aside, might be the most intriguing coaching matchup in Super Bowl history since Noll-Landry II. It also might be the last Super Bowl we see that harkens back to the smashmouth pre-Concussion Era of professional football, as I expect a brutally physical, Rock’ Em Sock ‘Em Robots game played in the 20s, last team standing wins …
College Basketball is just starting to get interesting. One thing I think has become the residue of the One and Done Era is that even the best teams, necessarily laden with talented but immature Freshmen putting in their obligatory nine month gestation period before they pop out as professional millionaires, play to the level of their competition. How else do you explain Duke losing at home by 20 to Miami, then going to Louisville and beating the #6 team in the country by 11? How does Arizona lose to Oregon State (RPI) then six days later trounce then-#8 Utah by 18? Even Kentucky’s squad of Übermensch was taken to overtime by Ole Miss & Texas A&M and held to 56 points by Columbia(!), in the midst of beating UCLA by 39 and Missouri by 49. Understanding that a highly ranked team relying on teenagers may suffer some lapses in focus despite a seeming vast divide in capability between them and any given opponent may be more useful than putting an odd result under a microscope, or dismissing Duke’s loss to Miami for example as an “outlier”. While I believe talent has a way of winning out in the end, with the One-and-Done nature of NCAA Tournament basketball itself – not just the fact teams rely on Freshmen now, but one loss and your season is over – it would not surprise me to see someone else besides Kentucky win the National Title, even if (or especially if, you choose) they are undefeated going into March Madness. In other words, don’t count me on the “Kentucky might be one of the Greatest Teams Ever” bandwagon … I can’t stop saying “Bro”, Bro … For the first time in I don’t know how many years, I’m actually paying attention to the National Basketball League on a daily basis. I can’t remember a time where half the league seemingly has a chance to play for the NBA Title. Five teams could win the East – Atlanta, Washington, Toronto, Chicago and Cleveland (you know a healthy LeBron will have them in every series) – and an astonishing nine (9!) teams could win the West, all the way down to Oklahoma City, who currently sits 3.5 games out of the 8th seed, but have been winning at a playoff clip (.705, good enough for the 4th seed as of January 20) when both Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook have been healthy – 12-5 with both in the lineup, 8-15 without both, and a difference in scoring margin of +4.4 with to -0.7 without. I wouldn’t even begin to hazard a guess as to who will win the NBA Title right now, and that, along with the seachange from individual isolation to team spacing in current NBA offenses, is what makes the NBA so fun to watch tight now …
I know it’s January, and I know their lead is only five (5) points in the table with 16 match days to go, but I firmly believe the English Premier League is Chelsea’s to lose. The title-holders Manchester City seems to have fallen to the arrogant malaise that can afflict defending champions, while Chelsea seems less prone to the odd game or indifferent result. And as nice a story as Southampton and their “Southampton Way” is, or as noteworthy as the stuttering resurgence of Manchester United has been this season (that in all likelihood propels them back to Champions League football and true EPL contention next season), that’s the title race right now. Chelsea and Manchester City. Two teams, both of which were expensively constructed, both of which are flawed in their dependence on 1-2 fragile talents (Eden Hazard and Diego Costa for Chelsea, Yaya Toure and Sergio Aguero for Man City), but one that to my eyes is decidedly less erratic and better motivated, possibly supporting the maxim that’s it’s better to hunt than be the hunted …
“Foxcatcher” is bleak, intense, squeamish, depressing, heartbreaking and captivatingly brilliant, all at once. Surprised it was not given a “Best Picture” nod by the Academy Awards, and I find it hard to believe there were eight better films in 2014. Although truthfully, it might have failed the simplest of tests, being a wonderfully made film, yet not a particularly enjoyable movie – I only plan to see that movie once in my lifetime, and I’ve already seen it. As good as Steve Carell and Mark Ruffalo were, I thought Channing Tatum’s performance merited award consideration as well; So did the real-life person he played, Mark Schultz. The wrestling choreography is accurate and convincing, and the film cinematography hits a perfect note, starting grimly from Scene 1 and only getting more dire as it progresses, to the point that even sunny days look grey. Admittedly, it’s easy to treat the film as a cautionary tale about the “Two Americas”, the Haves vs. the Have-Nots, the trappings of wealth contrasted with the entrapment of poverty and what each does to men and women, or to even tune out during what is essentially a 2-hour and 14-minute train wreck in slow motion, but to do either would miss the beauty, the details and nuances of this film. Go see it, and either thank or blame me later …
Just kidding.
Sort of.
It’s my space (No, not MySpace, that’s different), it’s my party, so I can cry if I want to. (Betcha that song is now stuck in your head. Feel my pain.)
I am one of the over 41 million people who play some form of fantasy football in the United States and Canada, and for the most part fit the average demographics: Male, Not Married, Caucasian (half), College Degree or More, 10+ years in Fantasy Sports (13 for me), I consume more sports and fantasy sports per week than I care to admit, and the one league I participate in regularly is for money.
The names of both my team (we’ll call them “Los Guapos”) and the 14-team league I’m in are changed to protect the innocent and the guilty, but not the actual football players. I’ll just refer to my league as the League of Boners (or LOB) and leave the inferences to the reader. Los Guapos currently sits at 5-7, out of the playoffs, meaning I will go 13 for 13 in years not winning the LOB. I’m not asking for pity, or even empathy, I just want to vent.
I’ll also spare you the particular set-up of the LOB, I know no one but the uber-est of fantasy geeks cares about that. My demise this year was relatively easy to figure out: Here is a list of the players I drafted that are either out for the season or have lost significant time to injury:
- Nick Foles – He was my weekly quarterback starter for the first half of my season, performing below expectations but still putting up average numbers before a mediocre offensive line caught up to him and his collarbone.
- Carson Palmer – He was actually putting up more points per game than Foles, when he was playing (missed 3 games early in the season with what the Arizona Cardinals would only call “shoulder numbness”). Then he signs a $50 million contract extension, and two days later tears an ACL. You can’t make this stuff up.
- Doug Martin – My 2nd round pick, when I could have had Andre Ellington, Lamar Miller or even a V8 and been much more productive. Currently #70 among running backs in fantasy points, missed 5 games with a bad knee and a bad ankle, and who otherwise stunk (and still stinks) when he played.
- Knowshon Moreno – I barely knew thee before he blew out his ACL. I’m sensing a theme here.
- Dennis Pitta – My sneaky, deep draft tight end (who count as wide receivers in our league) pick, but the joke was on me since I somehow forgot he has the hips of a geriatric salsa dancer on his 3rd hip replacement.
- Cecil Shorts – I dropped him while he was hamstrung by his hamstrings. He’s returned since then and provided sporadic production for some other Boner franchise.
- Pierre Thomas – I dropped him as well after he apparently caught the shoulder injury bug from Palmer. Just returned to provide haphazard production for the back-end of someone else’s roster. Unlucky Pierre.
That’s about half my draft day roster. Add-in the fact that 1.) I have picked up nobody of consequence off the waiver wire (while others have picked up fantasy producers such as Justin Forsett, Odell Beckham, Mohammad Sanu, Denard Robinson, Jordan Matthews, Brandon LaFell, Martavis Bryant, Tre Mason, the Philly Defense, yadda, yadda, yadda, these names may mean little to the casual football fan, but fantasy geeks everywhere are nodding their heads) and that 2.) last week in the make-or-break game of my season, I traded away Jonas Gray and his fluke 44 point output – which would have won my game by 4 points and kept me alive for the playoffs – for Eric Decker (Who? A New York Jets wide receiver? With Michael Vick throwing to him? Exactly.), well, I sure thought about firing up the Lexus, grabbing a ski-mask and picking a bank to rob in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.
Sanity prevailed however. For one, multi-state crime sprees sound like a lot of work. I realized that probably 25-30 million of the other fantasy football geeks have similar sob stories that no one but them really care about. I realized that while both Federal laws and courts have held “that fantasy sports are games of skill”, there was a large aspect of chance and luck that derailed my season, over which I had no control. I also realized that I’m not particularly skillful, either this year (Doug Martin in the 2nd round? Really?), or even in the past, despite having made the playoffs in 4 of the 5 previous years. Part of me longs to be able to just enjoy football games on Sundays for what they are, instead of obsessing over the statistical production of the back-up running back of the Houston Texans (You’re still my boy Alfred Blue!). But the greater part of me knows that I’m a fantasy football addict still chasing the dragon of that first high, and that I won’t likely stop until I actually win the League of Boners. Even then, I’ll probably succumb to the desire to defend the title. And keep the ski mask handy.
Just in case you didn’t know it … The 2014 FIFA World Cup is underway. Brazil beat Croatia 3-1 in Sao Paolo to open the month-long festivities, a post on which will be published later tonight/early this AM in much the same fashion as my daily “What I Learned From Watching ..” series for the 2012 Euros.
I had grandiose plans to do an extensive, expansive, everything-you-need-to-know 2014 FIFA World Cup Preview, but I soon realized that the fine folks at ESPN, the wacky funsters at ESPN’s offshoot Grantland (including their wonderfully entertaining “Men in Blazers” podcast), Fox Sports (with slideshow previews on every team) as well as YahooSports and NBC’s ProSoccerTalk Blog have had us Americans covered the last month. For a numbers-heavy preview, here is a statistical analysis published by the CIES Football Observatory. I’m certainly guilty of World Cup Preview fatigue, so I declined to share my self-imposed condition and instead just make a quick prognostication.
Just for giggles, here are ESPNFC’s predictions, and here are my predictions (made before kickoff of Brazil-Croatia today), where I have Argentina winning it all on their arch nemesis’ home soil. It’s not just a pick against Brazil for contrarian’s sake, the host country being the odds-on favorite to win their 6th trophy. My argument against Brazil is relatively simple, and two-fold; 1.) Unlike in tournaments past, I don’t believe Brazil have the most talented squad in the tournament, that mantle likely belonging to Spain (or Germany, and I would hear arguments for Argentina and Belgium as well); and 2.) The lesson I take from their 1950 experience – losing what became the World Cup Final to Uruguay in Rio’s famed Maracanâ – is that the pressure to win on home soil was too much then and will become too much now. Consider these two bits of information gleaned from ESPN broadcasts over the last 48 hours. First, Brazil is undefeated on home soil in international competitions (World Cup, World Cup Qualifying Matches, Confederations Cup Matches, and Copa America Matches) since September 30, 1975 when they lost 3-1 to Peru in the 1975 Copa America Semifinals in Belo Horizonte. That’s 38-plus years. Second, the Seleção have only lost once in 52 games all-time in the Maracanâ Stadium, which will host the 2014 World Cup Final. That one loss: 1950 in the World Cup Final to Uruguay. That’s a heavy burden to carry for what will be one of the younger teams in the tournament.
My argument for Argentina is slightly less sanguine, except that they will benefit from the converse of what might ultimately bring Brazil down – my impression during the lead-in to the World Cup is that they are the “favorite” with the least amount of hype or pressure, and as such will enjoy a certain level of freedom from the external expectations that have attached to Spain, Germany and Brazil. They are certainly among the Top 3 talented sides, and I think they have one of the easier draws among the Top 8 seeded teams. La Albiceleste should only be tested once in Group F against Bosnia & Herzegovina, and are drawn against an Group E for the Round of 16. Of course, for Argentina to win the Cup they will have to overcome one or more of the other favored heavyweights at some point, but by the later stages of the competition when that would occur, Messi, Aguero, Di Maria & Co. should be firing on all cylinders and their potential opponents just might have some battle fatigue as Spain and Germany will have to emerge from their respective Groups of Death and the pressure will only mount for Brazil.
If you’re looking for a Darkhorse contender, the four I like are Belgium, who just might have the most talented roster 1-23 in Brazil; Ivory Coast, who are as deep in attacking players as any team and should advance out of Group C with ease if they are on the same page; Bosnia & Herzegovina, led in attack by the world class Edin Džeko and Miralem Pjanić as well as one of the best goalkeepers in the world in Asmir Begović; and (surprise!) England, who enter this World Cup with the most level of expectations since their 1966 footballing glory, and have the right mix of talent, depth, youth and experience to cause trouble for any team they face. I wouldn’t expect more than one of those teams to make the Final Four, in my projections Belgium joins Spain, Argentina and Brazil, but that is one of the joys of the World Cup: One rarely knows what will happen, even if they think they do.
Bobby True 
